Post 126: The Dare

Let's all have a laugh for a moment:

I have this friend named Christy - she is hilarious! The things that happen in her life are, well you would think she makes them up, but she doesn't! The really do happen! I've been there & seen it! When I hear about the "latest happenings" at the Lair household...I can be found rolling around on the floor laughing, and getting the oddest looks from my children for my outburst.

Anyway, I've been trying to get her to blog this stuff for years! She keeps giving me excuses, let me tell you what they are:

• I'd be on the computer 24/7 - something is always going hay-wire here.
• Nobody would read it.
• They'd call child services.
• Everyone would think I make it up and not find it as funny as "Tonya" does.
• What would I say?

Dear fellow bloggers - is that how you felt before you began? :-)

Alright, well here is a little secret...I like DARING Christy - because she usually doesn't turn a DARE down... So here is the deal I made with her after she sent me a PREVIEW!

Email To Christy:

"Alright woman, here is the deal - I'm going to publish this on my blog (with your permission of course) and I'm going to explain to people WHY I am posting it and then ask them to leave me a comment saying whether or not they think CHRISTY should start a blog. If I get 10 YES answers....ya gotta do it! You've had me rolling! Do you know how many women out there need a daily dose of laughter! You'd be passing out the best medicine around! I will even help you set it up, guide you through it, whatever - as long as you do it!

DEAL? come on, you know you wanna try it...just a tiny little bit and I know you'd be awesome at it! You're FUNNY! Your life will have people rolling on their floors and tears streaming down their cheeks! So come on...

I am, however currently considering the title The 3 Stooges (however u spell that).

Now come on, what do you say? 10 comments = U BlOG. Deal?"

Nothing like peer pressure right? Now for another little secret. Christy is WORDS OF AFFIRMATION - the more you encourage; the more she wants it, the more comments you leave; the more she'll be salivating and craving the next response!Not only that, Christy is a AWESOME photographer! Believe me I know, just look at these pictures!!! I don't look near that good on a day to day basis! The girl knows her stuff! She should share her talent with us, so we can what? ENCOURAGE her! :-)You know honestly, if I had my way, I'd have all of the women at M2M blogging! Why? Because it is a GREAT outlet and I know if they tried it just for a week...they'd like it! Especially if people left them some bloggy Love! Any of you MOM's up for a DARE?

Now here is the PREVIEW she sent me (and yes I had her permission) - spread the word and help me tell this girl just how FUNNY she is!

COMMENT, COMMENT, and oh yeah COMMENT!

"Okay, gotta share this today.

This is the week from....well, it's not from hell, but it's pretty darn close. Actually it's the week, looking back, of hilarity (don't know if that's a real word or not, but I'm using it!).

We'll start with Monday, Sarah came over in the morning, after us sucking down some coffee...which I do believe she refers to as "crack juice" Why? Cause some of us like real coffee, not fufu juice as she likes (her words, not mine) So imagine if you will, me and Sarah all cracked out on coffee....Brooke and Mikayla running around, a ladder, a chair and a stencil that is the kind that you have to supposedly "peel and stick" LIARS!!! There was no peeling or sticking...it was more like rub, rub, rub, peel, rub again, peel a little more.

Meanwhile Sarah is a nervous wreck cause you only get one shot!. THEN came the time to "center" it on the wall....oh yeah THAT was fun....Me on the ladder, Sarah on the floor..."bring the left up a fuz, no down a fuz, up a fuz, bring the right down a fuz, to your left, back to the right...THERE!!!!. And before you ask....yes, we had a level, yes we make marks on the wall, yes we measured....but keep in mind...we are cracked out on coffee too...it is after all 9:30am. :) AHH..One down one to go! Simple right....NOT!!!

Then Hewitt calls....come on over!!! You can laugh at Mutt and Jeff over here....by this time we were on round two of the pot of coffee.....poor Jenny comes over, Sarah and I are STILL working on number two...stencil that is, not the other number two, so now I have BOTH Jenny and Sarah....this is after the next round of "rub, rub, rub, peel, rub....oh crap be careful...I hate these little letters, rub, rub, peel"....this one took THREE of us to do!!!Up a fuz...did you measure? where are your marks? That would be Hewitt asking logical questions of us....should of seen the look she got...haha!

So then by this time Sarah is over the top...I gotta go get my kid....oh look out the E came off!! Here comes Jenny with two tooth picks to fix the E. Meanwhile Sarah is going into palpitations cause she just KNOWS we are going to mess the E up.....Jenny fixes the E, Sarah leaves to go get her kid.....I in the mean time convince Jenny to drink some coffee (insert evil laugh here) She DRINKS IT!!!!!!!!

Fast forward to 4 that day when I go over to her house to drop Mali off.....what do I see??? Jenny outside RIPPING a bush...roots and all out of her flower bed....Jenny 1, bush 0......therapy she called....cracked out from coffee is what I call it ( oh and for those of you who don't know...Jenny doesn't drink caffeine...ever, so imagine her day after a cup of MY coffee!!!) evil laugh again!!! haha!

Now in the mean time, we are also in the middle of a bathroom "face lift".....simple right?? Paint and put up beadbord and chair rail.....NOT in my house it's not simple!!! So Saturday, Patrick called me as I was picking out lights..the conversation is as follows: "Have you left Lowe's yet? No, why? I broke the toilet. WHAT?!?! How did you break the toilet??? I had a piece of wood in my hands and tripped and dropped it and it broke the toilet.

Okay, I'll get a new toilet (not thinking nice thoughts of my husband right now) Keep in mind, I have Mikayla with me, she over hears the conversation and proceeded to tell EVERYONE in the store "Daddy broke the toilet with wood!" and I mean EVERYONE...even her Sunday school teacher....poor Patrick, he can't show his face to anyone right now thanks to Mikayla telling everyone..haha.

Me in the meantime, being the mean spirit I can be, I'm thinking...punnishment...MINI TOILET!!!!hahaha! No I didn't do that, but I was tempted, specially after he said he wanted to plant FLOWERS in the old toilet!!!!!! Yes dear, let's plant flowers in the toilet, why don't we add a fountain to come out of the tank while we are at it!!! Okay, so back to Monday...toilet goes in....you can rock a baby to sleep on the thing!!!! Next conversation: "Did it rock before? You know it didn't. Then why is it now? Don't know. The flange is broke. Do you know how to fix it. No I don't. Okay, I'll goggle it. Your going to put this out on the Mom's group aren't you? You bet your sweet butt I am!!!! :)

Now it's Tuesday. Another day, another story. Drop Mikayla off at preschool, Go to Lowe's, get the part that John (Kim's hubby) said to get. "Standard" flange was the key word. Got it. Picked Mikayla up go to the park...I said forget it on the bathroom for Tuesday. Get back, finish up some stuff, cook dinner.....Mikayla runs out.....SWALLOWED A PENNY!!!!!! Baby Heimlich is done, flash light is shown....it got swallowed.

Now my daughter wouldn't be the drama queen she is with out working this at EVERY angle she could. Pick up your toys Mikayla....I can't, I got a penny in my tummy. Time to take a bath Mikayla, I can't, I got a penny in my tummy! Now to add to the fun that is my life, I also have to check EVERY time she poops for that darn penny!!!! Which as of today, still hasn't made an appearance, but I was told by her Dr. it could take up to a week....Oh great! I get to dissect my daughters poop for a week! Which by the way, I have GOT to figure out what she is eating...cause it smells like a small farm when she goes!!! EWWWW YUCK!

Back to the toilet is being fixed....and of course we don't have a "standard" flange! Back to Lowe's I go, with Mikayla again telling everyone that "daddy broke the toilet with wood and it's a rocking chair!" AGH!!!!!!! get the new part. Toilet goes in, IT"S LEAKING!!!!! (It's Friday afternoon...toilet is STILL not hooked up!)

So Wednesday....THANKFULLY was uneventful. Thursday, with the exception of having to get blood work done and it taking forever and missing M2M, was also thankfully, for the most part, uneventful.

TODAY!!!!!!!!!!!! I get up late, 30 minutes later Jenny is here with Mali! Ahh thankful for the reinforcements (Mali and Mikayla, or as Tonya calls them M&M are keeping each other busy) I'm sitting here, on my couch, and it hits me....WHAT IS THAT SMELL!?!?!?!?!? I'm looking everywhere, Tonya in the mean time (she and I are IMimg each other) is trying to convince me to blog......with the events that happen in my house....I'd be on the computer 24/7 with the stuff that goes on here!!!! So she is getting a good laugh cause I can't for the life of me figure out what or where that smell is coming from!

Patrick in the mean time, calls : I left the plastic at home, can you go get it? Sure where is it? On top of the rafters in the shed. Sweetie, you have a lot of faith in my height! Oh yeah, you probably wouldn't be able to reach it would you? No. Any chance of you growing up real quick.??? NO!! Not a chance...figuratively or literally!! Ok, I'm on my to get it. Whatchya doin'? Trying to figure out what smells. Have fun with that.

Get's home, I don't smell anything, you sure it's not you??? (I'm going to BEAT THIS MAN!!!!!!!!!!!) YES I'm sure it's not me. I think something died under the house. Ya gonna check? NO I'm not going to check, that's your fun you get to have. Oh sorry babe, I gotta get back to Tina and Dan's. Maybe it's a cup of Mikayla's, good luck, love ya....out the door he goes.....so now I'm left here with two hyper little girls running around, still trying to figure out..........WHAT IS THAT SMELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"